129

Sometimes the devil is in the details. The number, 129, in the title tells of the days between 27 March and 3 August 2009. This period will be one I take to the grave, whenever that day may be. The beginning of this journey was one fraught with relief and dread the day I was let go at Georgia-Pacific. I truly did not know what direction I was headed, no plan was in place and all of a sudden, the world opened itself up to me.

No longer would I be one to be put on a shelf or back burner, bringing up the rear while others bask in the glory. Even though I did not have a plan that rainy Friday morning, I finally felt liberated of the artificial constraints of that place. This time I made a pact with me that the silliness that transpired between 2001 to 2009 would be no more because this time, I determined to do things differently. The only plan I had were fuzzy ideas in my head.

Now some 129 days after that fateful, liberating day I can say that I have transformed and reinvented myself into someone who has no fear. Georgia-Pacific is in the financial straits it is in not because of me, Kenneth Webb or those 14 others let go in the last several months. Georgia-Pacific and Koch are in their dire positions because the individuals running those companies don't have a clue.

Koch and GP have rested on their laurels, claiming that they have profited over a zillion per cent over the past 40 years. Well, that was 40 years ago and the world was a lot different then. What companies like Koch and GP faced was "artificial competition" where all the players were cut from the same cloth. Those days are long gone and if these same companies rely on the same narrow minded people to run their ships, they won't survive another 10 years, let alone 40.

The people who were let go were the wrong folks, we only followed orders and when we suggested different we were slapped in the face. Now, the chickens have come home to roost, with their profit margins falling rapidly, Koch and GP are at a lost as to what happened. Well, look at the leadership, it all starts from the top. For all their blather, both of these companies are run on 20th century models that were outdated long ago. It is going to get worse for them, not better because the rules of the game has changed and the leaders in those companies are to ossified to move rapidly and change.

I head to Memphis tomorrow on a mission, and that mission is to do all I can to advance ideas, be innovative and take business away from my former employer. Why? Because these narrow minded people don't deserve to have it - that's why!

Stronger Through The Years

Today was a day of pure joy and sorrow. I got to spend most of the day with Joan and her daughter, Joia. Joan will be the gatekeeper of my loft after Friday, she has the keys and the garage door opener, making her the only person besides me having keys to the kingdom.

What today taught me is that in all of the hurt, pain and struggles I went through with Joan, in the end we have become closer and more as one than we have ever been. All those years I loved her, never realizing that she loved me too, but not in the same way or intensity I did. She dated other men, I dated other women, but in the end, here we are, still in each other's heart.

Even after eight years of me saying that I would never see this woman again, I knew had had too because if I didn't then I truly hadn't moved on.

Now she has Joia, an angel who to me feels like my daughter. It's very strange, but I feel like I have more kinship with her versus her biological father. Today, I felt like husband and dad all wrapped into one and I loved it!

All these things are happening in a maddening span of less than a week before I leave Atlanta. I now realize that what I had before is gone - forever. Things will never be the same after I set foot out of my loft on 7/31. A woman who I loved for most of my life is leaving me and that is not a bad thing. God showed both of us what could have been, but I now see that God has other plans for me, plans that I must follow through.

Today was another lesson in "me having no control in my fate 101". The things that are happening were decided long ago by a higher power. I am a pawn in a chess game trying to figure out the next move. Today showed that after it was all said and done I was the last man standing. That is my victory I carry with me next week.

I love Joan and Joia with all my heart and soul, but I have business waiting in Memphis. My time is now!

Atlanta, GA April 1987 - July 2009 (RIP)

Twenty-two years. It seems like only yesterday that I came to Atlanta, Ga seeking a dream and sense of self. I'll be leaving next Friday with the same mission and ambition.

My years here have seen the good, the bad and the ugly, but through it all I have perserved and survived. Just when I thought the end was near and about to give up, something happened that turned my fortunes around, made me believe in my self.

Next week I leave for a place I've never visited, albeit for a day, a region I never would have considered as a place to lay roots and westward, the farthermost I have ever lived in my life.

This move has much more question marks than answers, but I know that at this point in my life I must take this journey because for all that is unknown, much will be reveled as to why God chose me at this time and place to seek my destiny.

I will be making more money than I ever have, setting me up potentially with a nice "nest egg" down the road, but that is not important here. What it important is that I finish what I started so long ago. I have come full circle, going between heaven and hell, back and forth. I now understand why those "lost years" were so important because those were the years that got me here.

Like the story of the tortoise and the hare. The hare starts out fast and swift, winning every race while the tortoise takes it time, plodding, going at a snail's pace. However, in the end it's the tortoise that catches up with the hare and passes him, crossing the finish line first.

I am the tortoise, things for me came slow and far between as others surpassed me. Now for those same people, things are not as clear, their futures blurred. The rules have changed and those people don't know what to make of it. I however do know and have seized the moment. There is no mystery why I'm headed to Memphis next week, I belong there, plain and simple. The mystery for me is what happens after I get there.

One thing I do know, it won't be like Atlanta.

In April 1987, I made a move that changed my life - forever. I left the cozy confines of my hometown, Charleston, SC and moved to an uncertain future in Atlanta, GA. Now, 22 years later I will go to the crossroad yet again, heading to an even more uncertain future in Memphis, TN.

All my life I have prepared for this challenge. Things happened to me in the past that made no sense, I felt I was being "picked on" for no reason, but it is very clear now. God lead me to this trail, He was behind this all along. All the craziness, drama and chaos lead me to this juncture. I have reached a defining point in my life where like Charleston, I have out grown Atlanta.

It's not like I want to go, I HAVE TO GO because the only way I can grow is to leave the things I love most. I have always had a love-hate relationship with this city and it has been a part of my life since I came here as a wide eyed kid in 1969. There was so much I had seen, the changes, the comings and goings. This city produced angst, triumph, tragedy, chaos, drama, silliness and downright stupidity.

For all it's positives, Atlanta is still a second tier city that is striving to become something that it will never be, but even with all it's shortcomings, I'm still intrigued with it's endless boosterism. Maybe it will become that "city on the hill", but right now it is a one that has seen it's glory days fade.

For me, it is time to move on because my destiny does not lie here. The ghosts I leave here will be laid to rest when I finally pull up stakes and move on. What will Memphis bring? Who knows, but I know the future lies there and beyond.

What that fateful Friday on 27 March taught me was that the end was just the beginning and I had gone as far as I could go. All of the learning's given to me has to be put in place because the present and future will be one like I have never seen. I now know why God put me to the test, like Job, I had to go through these things and there will be many more tests before I'm finally rewarded one-hundred fold with whatever God wants me to have.

My fate lies not with me, but with HIM.

Photo

Russian Suprematist Painting

unsigned

Origin: Bulgarian private collection

Nothing Stays The Same

Today I went to have my drug screen done as a requirement for my new position in Memphis, TN. I was sent to Concentra Urgent Care facility for the test. The building is located at 688 Spring Street in Midtown Atlanta. Most people visiting this site may not know it's history, but I do. This building sits on the site of the old Club 688, a punk club in it's heyday. I always wondered what happened to this place and now I know. Club 688 opened back in 1980 and was a venue for new acts to get their music out to the masses. The club quickly became known as a haven for alternative music, punk and new wave, but it was punk where the club really made it's mark.

All the famous punk bands played there and I saw quite a few like: Circle Jerks, Iggy Pop, Dead Kennedy's, TSOL, Fear and many others. It was always dark inside, with the floor in front of the stage being a mosh pit for mohawked punkers and the like. People may think that African-Americans were not into punk, but oh we were, we just didn't admit to such. I saw many a black mohawkers there moshing away.

Ironically, the club at this site shut down in 1986 and moved just down the street from where I presently live. At this site I saw the Mentors (2X) and other punk acts. This site didn't last long, closing down sometime during the early 1990s.

Today, a medical center sites on the original site, giving testament to the fact that nothing lasts forever, which is a true fact for me at the present.

I have lived in Atlanta for 22 years and have seen many changes come to the city, some for the better, a lot for the worse. I must say that since that time I have never seen this city like the state it is in - stagnant. The economy is in shambles and won't be back to it's previous level anytime soon. However, other places, like Memphis, seems to be showing signs of life. Thirty years ago I would venture to say the opposite was true.

Just because you were on top yesterday doesn't means that you will be on top today or tomorrow. Times change, people change, life moves on. I always wondered about those souls I met at Club 688. Did they move on or did they stagnate, thinking nothing ever changed?

As I embark on my new journey I realize now, more than ever I have to change, evolve into something that I previously wasn't. I used to be afraid of doing that, but not anymore. My destiny is cloudy and clear at the same time, with points of previous reference not important. What is important is the present and future state because in those, that is a true measure of the person.

In the end, I could either be Club 688 or Concentra. Frankly, I prefer the latter.